"We can always be friends," he might tell you, with a half-guilty smile. A lot of guys say this line to their ex girlfriends, and in most cases, it's an attempt to make a bad situation better. It's also an attempt to salvage what's left of a relationship and to keep both parties amiable to each other. It may seem awkward, but to a lot of people, being friends is the next logical step after a broken relation. So if you recently broke up with your boyfriend and he wants to be "just friends for awhile," why shouldn't you take him up on his offer? After all, you're both adults, so why don't you give a try?
Well, there are a few reasons why this isn't always a good idea. First of all, there's a good chance that you are still in love with him, and because you're still in love, becoming friends an ex boyfriend is usually a sign that you're still hoping that the relationship will somehow fix itself. Even if you can somehow convince yourself that your new relationship is platonic, your feelings might not agree. The truth is that break ups are complicated things, and trying to be friends is a misguided attempt at making a complicated issue appear simpler. In many cases, both parties only end up causing each other more emotional pain, thus straining their newfound friendship.
On the surface, becoming friends with one's ex seems like the smartest and most dignified solution to a bad break up. After all, you'll still be able to see each other. You can still talk, and have decent conversations with him. And best of all, he and you will be able to move past the conflict that used to plague your relationship.
Moreover, there's a certain degree of freedom in being just friends with someone. For one thing, there are fewer obligations to worry about, and of course, you can start dating other people again, if that's what you want. Unfortunately, all these things are just wishful thinking. In reality, being just friends with your former boyfriend is a lot more complicated than you think.
Consider, for example, those problems that you and your ex boyfriend used to have when you were still dating. Those problems will inevitably surface in your new platonic relationship. It can happen at any time, and in any situation. In some cases, both of you may be even be tempted to having sex again - a platonic type of sex with no strings attached (though, of course, there always are). Although there are all kinds of things that you can tell yourself to make the whole situation seem pleasant, the truth is that having sex with one's ex ultimately leads to unwelcome emotions. And regardless of how much you tell yourself that it was a rational decision, you're still you're going to feel horrible if he fails to call you back in the following days - which isn't wrong since both of you are "just friends" now.
Aside from sex, dating is also another problem. In any case, even if you can keep your relationship with your former boyfriend strictly platonic, what do you think is going to happen once he finds a new girl to date? Will you still be "friends" then? Will you able to see him as often as you used to? And, most important of all, will he ask you to meet his new girlfriend?
If your ex boyfriend finds someone new, and you're still "friends" with him then there's a very good chance that you'll end up jealous, which in turn, will lead to conflict with your ex. If or when that happens then you might just end up alienating your boyfriend even more.
The same problem also applies in an opposite scenario. If you were to find a new boyfriend, how do you think your new relationship will affect your "friendship" with your old boyfriend? The truth is that when this kind of thing happens, some friction will occur, and you as well as your ex may end up arguing about your new relationship. Likewise, your new boyfriend may not like the idea that his new girl is buddies with her ex. So avoid being friends with your ex, especially if you're planning to date someone new.
Now, what if your goal is to get back your boyfriend? Wouldn't that make the situation entirely different? After all, being "friends" with your ex allows you to rebuild your relationship. It also gives you time to figure out a way to win back his love without alienating him or forcing him into a difficult position. If all goes well, you will be able get your boyfriend to love you again without much trouble. Is that really what you think? I'm afraid that the reality is a different story.
Being friends with your ex boyfriend that you still love is often riskier than simply avoiding him. In most cases, the guy knows that his ex still loves him, and may use those feelings to his advantage. If this is the case then you'll be powerless to stop him from dating someone new since, you're just friends now.
The truth is that if you want your ex-boyfriend to love you again, the last thing you'll want to do is to become his friend. If you want to win him back then you need to want him back as a boyfriend and not as a friend. Establishing a platonic relationship with your ex will hinder this process, and the longer you keep up the facade, the more difficult it will be to get him back.
So don't kid yourself. A friend is never a substitute for a boyfriend. If you want your ex boyfriend to love you again then you will need to do it using the right tactics. For starters, you need to make him miss you. You also need to help him remember what you used to have, and what it meant to be with each other. Friendship is just capitulation.
What To Do Next
If you want to make him want you again then you will need to have a plan of action to make him see you as a potential girlfriend. You will also need to out a way reignite his desire for you. Learning a thing or two about male psychology can help you accomplish these goals. You should also try to remember how you were able to get his attention in the first place.
And lastly, you should try to know if your boyfriend still wants you, look out for the signs he still loves you. There's no point in doing anything if you're not sure what's going on in his head. Once you have the information though, you'll have an easier time getting him to love you again.
Source: http://www.streetarticles.com/friendship/ex-boyfriend-just-wants-to-be-friends-what-do-i-do-now
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Public release date: 27-Jul-2012
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